It is absolutely no secret to say that we are our worst critics, way too hard on ourselves, but here's the honest to god truth ladies. Not only are we way too hard on ourselves, we are too hard on men too!
I'll be the first to admit, that not so long ago, if somebody were to ask me about my perfect man, i would roll off my list of qualities, skills and character traits. Don't lie to yourselves, we've all done it. I'll be the first to admit my guilt. We made The List. That ominous list of standards that we make for our "suitor" that we all know he will never be able to live up to. i even put mine here for all of you to read!
Hillary's List of requirements for a suitable mate:
Be male
Be a straight male
be able to be independent
He must like Children and want to have children in the future
He must like animals, and must be able to love my annoying cat as much as i do.
be willing to go to church with me every so often
He must have a job, or at least be in school
Must have a drivers license
Like sports including (but not limited to) baseball, hockey, soccer and tennis
Like to sing, or at least have some kind of taste in music
added points if he can play an instrument!
must be able to (and like to) swim
must like camping
Be ok with my dislike for bacon
also be ok with my dislike of facial hair
Prefer house parties over going clubbing
like science
bonus points for other nerdery as well!!
Starwars > Startrek (even if Chris Pine is captain Kirk and not Anniken Skywalker)
must have a n affinity to cereal (shreddies all the way)
Must love the breakfast club!
See what i mean? 100% ridiculous. The only person who could possibly live up to these ridiculous standards is myself!
But lets not forget the "physical list"
must be more that 6' 1"
Blonde wavy hair
baby blue eyes
white straight teeth
muscles muscles muscles
wash board abs
Essentially the statue of david with Brian Little's head on it.
(this bit is not my list by the way, to me physical appearance is directly affected by personality and attitude. For example: somebody could have crossed eyes and a crooked smile, and be the most wonderful person out there and still be exponentially more beautiful to me than somebody who looks like a greek god and has no manners.)
Its no wonder i've been single for so long!
That being said, this does not mean that i am about to change my standards because i want a boyfriend. I'm not actually changing anything at all. I dont have to. And nobody should. Don't ever settle for somebody, just because theyre good enough. Life doesnt work that way. I know i hear alot from friends and even family that with my attitude i am going to be single forever, (i've been single for so long my family thinks im a lesbian! <--- i love to play it up!) and maybe i will be. Maybe i will be a spinster with 5 cats 5 years from now. The fact of the matter is, Im not looking for love, and really i dont want to, nor do i think its right to do so. Love will happen when it happens. and if it doesnt, well then i guess it just wasnt supposed to happen. And that, ladies and gents, is called faith.
Here's the blatant truth. No man will ever fit into our standards. Just like you are your own person they are their own person. Our standards are way too high, and in the long run not only are we beating up and insulting men, but we're beating ourselves up, and running our self esteem into the ground as well.
I am happy just the way i am. I found the perfect guy, who actually does meet 97% of of this list. He really is wonderful, but we're not together. Hes one of my best friends, and i wouldnt change that for the world. He is patient and kind and selfless (to a fault). Perhaps one day, if things are supposed to happen they will, but for right now we talked it over and are going to be "single with each other" for a while.
So here is what i propose:
Be yourself. be happy. know that when it happens, you'll know. And know that our men are people too, so lets not build them up to be something that we know only exists in the new Calvin Klyne fragrance commercial. Let the imperfections be perfections, love wholly, and always be true to yourself.
-H
